Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.
Philippians 4:6-7 (MSG)
I became a Christian in 2003 while in the throes of having to move out of my condominium into a group home. My care needs outstripped the help I could get at home and safety was becoming an issue.
In 2004, I moved into yet another group home and 18 months later, I was kicked out because I was advocating for better living conditions. I then got a bed in seniors living facility assuming this was only going to be temporary until transition services could find alternate living arrangements in the community.
I was misinformed and then confounded with the lack of input I had in the few decisions that were presented to me. I accepted the manifestations that caused my extremities to stop working, but I was unable to accept being forced into yet another uncompromising environment that was supposed to complement my physical challenges, not make my challenges more challenging!
There weren’t enough words in the English American Thesaurus that could describe the devastation, bewilderment, and anger that I felt when I had no choice but to move into a long-term care facility for young, active adults. I was 42 years old. This shock and awe was the catalyst for me to come closer to God, keep a journal, and grieve.
I was first to read this particular verse, in the spring of 2006, while I fretted about how small my half of the room was the closeness of the beds to each other, and the thin curtain that separated our “homes”. I occupied the room with another woman who was severely disabled.
I initially read this passage in the New International Version (NIV) and immediately had questions and observations about what “I” read into the text. Was I only to lift my anxieties and nothing else? I didn’t know what supplication meant. What was the difference between prayer and petition? Transcending peace? Guard my heart and mind against what? Why Christ Jesus instead of Jesus Christ?
In the months to come, I blubbered and shouted these words, still not knowing what they all meant. Until I discovered The Message and this version made a way clear for me using relatable words to help me find comfort in the crisis I was in.
Here is the story:
The sun was just coming through the slats in the curtains, through a small window on my side of the room, when there was a clatter of clutter being moved in beside my bed. Without warning from management, my roommate of one-year was replaced by a new client, with multiple select and beside sclerosis (MS), from the second floor. I was shocked
I now had an intruder in my house that had every right to be there.
My new roommate watched TV incessantly from early morning to late at night, at which she listened to her radio. How could I possibly experience peace from when praising the Lord, I couldn’t hear myself pray?
The door was always closed, my curtain was drawn, my heart hardened, and my mind darkened because I was angry at the situation and I was angry at her.
In Matthew 22:39, God commands me to love thy neighbor as thyself. I soon realized that this woman was me, twelve months ago! I’m sure she was doing the best to cope with living conditions around us and the MS living within us.
With a combination of cleverness, the fruits of the spirit and the Spirit itself as my co-conspirator, we hatched the perfect plan.
I vowed to buy her flowers, every month until she moved out. I would do this anonymously. When she was out of the room, I would ask a nursing aide to place them on her bedside table and swear to keep my actions secret.
I felt so empowered! By creating this situation, I had a renewed sense of control and something good to focus in on instead of my anxieties. I was able to enjoy the flowers as much as she did when I came in and out of the room.
I had fun listening to her, making phone calls to friends and family, and desperately trying to find out who sent her the flowers! When the day came to celebrate her with the second bouquet, she and all of her belongings were gone, when I returned! It was so surreal.
Since then, I have been in absolute awe of God’s grace, and that his promises are powerful, giving me that peace, that comes from a settled heart and mind. What a gift!
